What is friendship? There are a whole lot of quotes out there that try to give it meaning or a definition, or at least fit it within some definable realm. But at the end of it, what would someone say when asked what they thought friendship is? I think the meaning of friendship to each person is different; what I expect in a friend would be vastly different from what someone else might expect.
For me, the meaning of friendship has changed through the time that I have grown up. When I was little, a friend was no more than a playmate. A friend was the person with whom we did the silly things that little girls do, play hopscotch, hide and seek, arrange tea with our tea sets and dolls, that kind of stuff. I assume my friends changed each week, depending on whom I had a fight with. But I doubt I looked for more in my friends at that point of time.
As I grew older, the meaning of a friend changed a little. Now friends were not just playmates; we began to share something more than that. Feelings came into the picture. I suppose the need for a friend was deeper than when I was in kindergarten. A friend was someone with whom I could share my thoughts and secrets. Of course, even at this age, friendships were fragile and broken quite easily albeit not as often as before.
I suppose I found my first true friend only when I was a teenager. Being Indian; we do not go through the typical teenage angst process that you see in English movies. At least I did not go through it. I was a happy teenager, did not have problems in school (at all), and was the class geek. I was never Miss Popular, and never aimed to be; I was more the person people asked about classwork and homework. This friend I’m talking about happened to me only because we accidentally picked places next to each other at the beginning of the year. We spent the better part of the year giggling in some classes, playing hangman in some, and she’d watch out for me when I dozed in some of the classes.
I never gave her much thought while I was in school. It was only when I finished school and started college that I realized how much I was missing her. I also realized that she was one of the few people in class that I really wanted to hang on to as a friend, and keep in touch with. We spent many an hour grumbling about our respective high schools and the misery we were going through in those two years. What I’m getting at is that she was the ‘always around when you need someone to talk to’ kind of friend. I can always just pick up the phone and dial her, and we can spend two hours talking about something, or even nothing (which happens most of the time).
Now comes my favorite part, my best friend. She will probably groan when she reads this, since I have spouted a few sheets of paper on the subject many times before. I have two of them by the way. Two best friends. You might wonder about that, since the term ‘best’ is normally reserved for a single superlative entity. Well, it just turned out that they both fit the superlative in my case J. Getting back to them, I’ve known one of them for six years now, and the other four. My relationship with both of them is different; the one thing they share in common is that they both bring out the best in me. I know that I would do anything for either of them, and I mean anything. I’m not trying to be dramatic or anything (even though I’ve been told I have a flair for drama), but they really mean that much to me. And I really, really miss them a lot.
Let me tell you about the four year old one. She is the rock I lean on when I’m sinking. She knows just what to say and when to say it. She’ll give you the perfect advice when you need it, and even if she is pointing out a flaw in you, you’ll feel better that she told you when you’re done listening to her. Other than that, she is everything most people look for in a friend. She has ample doses of funniness, wittiness, and the other ingredients you’d need. Other than that, she has a somewhat foul temper which will come like a storm, wipe out the town, and then clean up after itself if you know what I mean. You can’t really stay angry with her for more than 5 minutes. Not that she gives you too many opportunities to be angry with her.
She’s just the most fun to hang out with. We can spend hours describing in detail the things that happened over the day, or some incident that happened to either of us. Her laughter is so contagious; it only takes a giggle to set us off on a laugh ride. Despite being one of the brainiest people that I know, she is just so un-nerdy. She is all about the fun. She doesn’t like travelling much, and would rather sit in her room than go out somewhere. Oh, she is always looking for a reason to be overworked, and once she is in that mode, it’s hard to be able to catch her for more than half an hour in a day. But then again, just a couple of minutes of talking to her can get you through a rough day better than anything else. She just rocks, beyond all words can say.
The six-year-long friend is a whole other deal. She is just one of a kind. I haven’t had the privilege of meeting anyone else quite like her. Our friendship is the kind wherein I do most of the talking (I learned recently that it was because I never gave her a chance to get a word in edge-wise). But when she does talk, it’s a whole lot of fun to listen to her. She doesn’t believe that “I met so and so the other day” or “I went and spent a thousand bucks buying shoes” is any matter of importance requiring telling or discussing. “What you upto?” will be greeted with “Nothing, I just spoke to you two days back; what did you expect would come up?” A story I tell will last a minimum of twenty minutes, while one she tells will be only about five minutes long (It might also have something to do with me interrupting her, you never know).
She’s the kind of person who can bring you back to reality in a very sharp manner, like poking a pin into a balloon. :D She never bats an eyelid when she gives me a whole list of things that I’m doing wrong or saying wrong. She’ll never flinch when telling me that my opinion is stupid. We’ve had plenty of arguments just questioning why I feel the way I feel about some silly topic. But it’s these little debates that make our friendship all the more special. She’s always given me a reason to be a better person than I was some time ago.
I’ll skip the details of how we became friends. That is a long story that I can’t type out now. But I’ll tell you that I did argue my way through the first two years of our friendship. Even so, after spending the better part of the day at school picking some meaningless fight or the other, I’d still go back home and apologise over the phone (for no less than an hour!), and I’d still want to ride home with her on the bus, even if it was just to look the other way and not say a word to her. I’ve been unfair to her more than she ever deserved, but it moves me to know that she still wants to be friends with me. She’s always been the person who’s loved me in spite of me.
Right now, we have a really twisted relationship. I can’t quite find the right words for it. She will annoy me by not mailing, not coming online, not speaking on the phone (though hopefully she will now, since it’s an international phone call) and I will try my best to get her riled up by spamming her inbox (both email and phone). Unfortunately, I can’t make long distance calls just yet; I’m waiting for that day to dawn. But even though she is the way she is, I don’t think there is any other person out there I’d want for a best friend, or care about more than her. She may not really say it in many words, but I know there is no other person who will tolerate the bundle of misery that I can be at times other than her. She is just the most wonderful person I could ever have hoped to know.
I don’t quite know what we expect of friends as we get older; I suppose they will be there to share all the milestones that come along in life. They will be there when we are down, to uplift our fallen spirits; they will make us laugh when we are crying. They will be a part of the person we evolve to be, no doubt having some role to play in the process. We will probably meet and make new friends as we go on in life, and add to the list of people who are special to us. Some of them will stay in our memories, some of them not so much, and the ones who are the most special to us will only be etched deeper and deeper in our minds and hearts.
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